Rainbow World

Never expect that I will start the blog with this mood, down..sad...depress,unmotivated,....
dint expect people will come to read this blog, due with low publicity..( sorry Adele and ching, i want to write something which is more positive, but at this time , i could not, i know you guys will come to read, but , just ..)

dear all friends, who are reading this,
setting up this blog is because i need some space .. space for myself to speak...space for myself to smile...
how long that i have been not really listen to my own heart speaking? how long been i have to act strong to face challenges, I am just a normal girl. I have my emo moment , moment where i feel i need to breath in fresh air,
i want a space , just me and myself, to sing like no tomorrow , dance like there would not be other days.

Today there are two majors incident which makes me not happy.
this blog is going to show you the very negative side of me.

I quarrel with a friend, a some how friend where i think i can trust, some how friend i got a lot of expectation.
just because of something that i say , which he feel that i hurt him.I regret to say that, but i know words have been came out. how would i apologize also no use. But my intention is just want to joke. perhaps my joke is just too cold, people cant sense it. end up , we quarrel.

well , i apologize, because i dont want him to feel unhappy. but , when i read his blog, i get shock.
once again , disappointment comes from friends. I hate this, the blog is totally with red, yellow, the colour which i hate the most. I saw many people leave comments, i feel sad. Tears coming to
me , and i start to really hate it, never feel that i will be like that. you know somehow as a Christian , sometimes , i just need to be forgiven. but , seriously , i am piss. piss with what the blog wrote. piss with the blogger, piss with the response.at this moment, i understand. understand that I am being maybe too over. but , i just feel that , the blogger do not need to hate me till he wrote that you know like some how...sigh..i just dont know how to put in words, but i just feel not not not not not not not not not happy, when i type so many not , i heart become cold.Tears again come to me.i just feel sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad, sad.

This blog will serve a very good platform , to reveal my real self , instead of my another blog.

second, feedback from my team mates. even this drive me just become more demotivated. giving much for what i am passion, asking for the minimal return , end up ,i dont even feel that my effort being appreciated. being in a team , distance drives me , perhaps just a invisible person, i feel that i am being neglected. feeling lost , lost whether should i take up the challenge.

saying so much things , by the end of the day , i make a decision, i want to stay in a world where by is only me, me alone. i dont want to talk to any person at this moment.there are rainbow in my world, there wont be rainy day.

by the way , thanks for my family members, my friends , my dear who always be with me. I finally found out, the world can change everyday , but these people can always be with you , no matter what happen.

thats all i want to say.

Good night to myself.